this isn't my first trip around the so called mental health system sun. Or lack of sun. No I entered this orbit 26 years ago and have only gotten a glimpse of the outside twice. Truly...only twice. But my question as I start this off is simply, how DID it get SO deep in here?? I mean I thought I understood my orbit, my assignment. Every once in a while without knowing when it was coming I've gotten bumped deeper, or if I'm lucky, not as deep for a short time. But even consciously observing this as a part of my life, I'm again blown backwards with the sudden knowledge that things are now so deep, so dark, and they spiraled there without my concern or control. That dark gravitational pull on the center of my being, the center of my life, has yet again wrecked havok. So I'm going to look at how and where and in what way. Maybe then I will regain the ability to push back.
But for tonight, if not mercifully always, sleep.
